Jul 31 2005
blow jobber, job blower
«astounded by what he said,as he exemplified it with utter pride,the captor of every opinion,has a mind of lameless dysfunction.»
— maynardmurlon (2005)
entertaining my seemingly restless mind, i ventured into the web to look for some interesting things and stumbled into a quite stunning revelation. i found an article about Keanu Reeves’ wedding w/ Alan Cumming (Nightcrawler of X-Men 2, also appeared on Spy Kids). although the article was already months old, it still didn’t fail to give me the deep-nerve astonishment. i never thought the fag could bravely and audaciously show it out of public since he managed to keep its secrecy for an unbelievable number of years. i could still remember him saying, «…I wanted to come out when The Matrix hit big, but my agents told me that it would be career suicide. I’m glad that I can finally tell the world that I am gay and proud today. Thanks to The Matrix Revolutions!» (*i can hear a lot of people growling: what the f**k?! i can’t seem to live in a world where shallow-minded-dick-hungry mortals parade their stuff with such smugness!.) for the whole story visit joblo news.
this surprising revelation, however, doesn’t give me the impression that the human mind (or the human’s hedonistic behaviour) is getting better or wiser. as for the record, there has been quite a number of people who had successfully opened up courageously to the public about their homosexual relationship. and there has been a constant number of people who tirelessly criticized and opposed this kind of trend. the unending war between these two groups has been a very sensational entertainment; throwing prejudices against each other and always ending up standing on indiscreet reasons.
if my personal conviction would count, i would admit that i abhor the current «same-sex marriage revolution» for i reckon that the reason why people (these people i long believed to have had nightmarish experiences and confused recognitions, and probably most if not all have mental incapacity or hereditary brain dysfunction) who submit to this kind of outrageous idiocy and effrontery is to create an accepted status in the society. my reasons may be broad and not systematically refined however the basis is of solid and credible source/s. and yet, with all the bravado and hullabaloos, this thing is still subject to careful observation and coherent scientific investigation. morality and freedom should not be an excuse to extremity as prejudice and partiality be a likely reinforcement.
Jul 30 2005
Ngano man gyud nga naa may mga tawo nga damak! Damak, kana bang murag baboy dili kabalo mang limpyo. Ambot lang kay nag dako ko nga ang akong ginikanan pwerte ka hindikan. Mag collapse gyud akong inahan kung maka simhot ug baho nga ilok.Sa akong obserbasyon ang Pilipino gyud tinood ang pina ka hindikan sa tanang lahi. Pero dili gihapon ko kasabot nganong naay tawong dili mag worry ug wala siya maayo ug limpyo. For example, maligo lagi dili man manabon! Okay, nahangyo na nanabon ko no, nag agas ang tubig uban sa sabon, abir gi unsa pag absorve sa lawas kung mao na? Common sense ra man unta na. Dili apilon ug sabon ang likod ug ang tiil, dilib sab mang kuskos. Pag ka luod. Mag butang ug shampoo wala abti ug isa ka minuto gi was wasan na wala pud kuskosa. Maka ingon gyud ko gi unsa ug tudlo sa inanan? Insakto gyud akong Mama pag ingon niya ang behavior sa anak reflection sa ginikanan.Kung akoy Nanay maulaw gyud ko kaayo akong anak damak! Kung ako mismo damak mo ingon gyud ko bogo ko. Pero siempre ang mga damak kay bogo man wala sila nahibalo. Nag sakit ako dughan. Daghang damak diri sa America. Ang mga hapon pwerte manguskos sa ilang lawas. Kung walay kaugalingong banyo mag bisiklita mag bayad sa public nga sento para maligo ug manguskos ug ayo. Ang amerkano naa sa ilang tungod ang shower di gihapon manguskos. Tudloan nimo gahi pa ug ulo. Para ra man unta nga dili sila manimaho yikes! Gisapot na sab ko! Obvious ba?
Dili hinoon ko mo ingon nga sa lahi murag sa batasan gyud na sa tawo
Jul 30 2005
someday we’ll know
in 1 and a half hours i will be an official bum again. nope, i didn’t resign. my contract already ended and the company didn’t let me sign for another month or so. i was recommended as probationary employee two months ago, unfortunately it was not approved. my boss won’t give me the reason why it was disapproved. he said there were lots of reasons. i was asking him to give me at least one, but he throwed back the question at me. i don’t really know why the recommendation was disapproved, and i was thinking that if they are keeping their mouth shut on that matter, i might as well keep mine. i know someday i would be able to know the real reason…maybe not now, but i am hoping «someday we’ll know»…sounds familiar? hehehe…
/me singing: someday we’ll know if love can move a mountain, someday we’ll know why the sky is blue, someday we’ll know why i wasn’t meant for…(this company?)
so this would be my last post using this computer…i wanna look on the positive side…now i can have more free time to clean my room, repair my CPU, and do things that i cannot do because of the work that’s eating up most of my time. i’m sure i’ll be missing all the people that i worked with here, and the friends that i had already started bonding with. ciao!
Jul 29 2005
SIDE TRIP 26: Hanoi, Vietnam
I still can’t get over the fact that I am a millionaire in Vietnam. In fact, my side pockets bulge with 30 million Dong in hard currency! That’s a lot of moolah.Well, not a lot really. Considering that one dollar is equivalent to 15,000 Vietnam Dong. My 30 million is really only about 110,000 pesos — budget for the one-day workshop I will be conducting tomorrow, heheh.I am not an economist so I don’t really understand the intricacies of how a particular currency’s worth is pegged against the mighty US dollar. I thought it had a direct bearing on that country’s economy but considering that the Japanese Yen is pegged at 112 to a US dollar while the peso is better off at 56, I am not so sure if that is a correct assumption.One thing I am sure of, though, is that I am going to have a jolly good time counting my 30 million Dong. Aaaaaargh!!!THE CITADEL IN HUE
Jul 26 2005
The Movie In My Mind
It’s been a while since I’ve done a meme, and I’ve been tagged. Two great reasons to post an entry. Also, I didn’t really want to devote an entry about Family Camp (It was great).
What are the things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out?
- I love to read. I especially like reading fiction on the Metro Bus. It makes me happy.
- I watch a lot of TV, whatever catches my eye. Usually, it’s The Filipino Channel. Sometimes, it’s sports. I just finished watching a Gilmore Girls rerun.
- I go online and play neopets, read blog entries, go on wikipedia and look at singers’ vocal profiles.
- I like to hang out with family, the Youth Group and close friends and laugh together. Laughter is such a great de-stresser for me.
- I spend time with my kid cousins. Whenever I see them, my day just gets brighter. I love them very much.
- I like to swim / be in the water. Let’s just put it this way: My future house will have an indoor swimming pool, so it will be available all year round for the enjoyment of me, my family and my friends.
- I sing to myself.
- Pride and Prejudice, BBC 1995. The perfect complement to my book. I’ve read this over and over. It is hard to explain why it means a lot to me, but it does. Colin Firth is oh-la-la; Jennifer Ehle is an endearingly complex Lizzie. On a writer’s point of view, I adore Jane Austen’s dialogue.
- My Sassy Girl. So, I’ve joined the millions who have loved this film. I will not deny it. Although it took me a long time to get over The Girl’s violent ways, I was able to come to love her. After the last scene, I always feel like I have to watch it all over again.
- Miss Congeniality. Sandy is just perfect in this comedy. My siblings, not just I, even got the lines memorized from the frequent viewings. «Harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan… (pregnant pause) and… world peace!»
- The Sound of Music and Annie. These movies bring memories of my childhood, when we huddled in front of the TV, with the grown-ups to watch «Do-re-mi» and «Tomorrow» being performed. Very old memories…
- Finding Nemo.
What are the things you do to lower your stress or anxiety level?
What are the five films that you watched a lot and meant a lot to you?
I enjoyed both the drama and the jokes. When you have a cousin who loves this movie, you get to watch it a lot more times than you normally would. 🙂
To whom should I pass this on?
Ate Boogie, and anyone else who wants to do this.
Jul 26 2005
one good day comin’ up!
uhmmm…nangangamoy kape na naman ang opisina. another free coffee courtesy of Nescafe. i don’t know why they keep on coming back here for a free taste. too bad i’m not so much into drinking coffee especially when it’s hot. i was asking if they have a free mocha freeze pero wala daw…ho-hum, aamuyin ko na lang yung aroma to keep myself awake until 5:30pm.
Jul 26 2005
this morning’s phonecall
it’s quite a cold day, rain gently showered the rooftops while it precipitated mildly from the bright cloudy sky. i was awoken by a disturbing miss-call(s)…and a message from a friend…i recalled, i dozed off straight to slumber and forgot to call her early in the morning. i was so tired from the night’s(?) work and just headed straight to bed just as my body commanded my brain to do so. i was dead…but i promised to give her a ring…a wake up call…
that’s why she messaged me about what she felt — an undying manifestation for care and worry! so i apologized and we talked…talked…talked…about how we were; about my work and her studies; about marriage (again?); about the relationship and restrictions she imposed on me; about my disappointments; about kids (and a mere mention about my dream daughter mercilessly struck me with horrible awe and melancholy); about god and religion and some others-consider-to-be-nonsense-because-they-don’t-care-about-it things; and sex and masturbation…and sex and self-manipulation…over the phone…if you know what i mean. *and this devil laughed with mockery! (she’s obscene, i can be, i’m the god…i’m reminded how the «great great golden copulation» can be achieved…she hates me!)
«my mind works tirelessly every single second,and my intellectual masturbation is constant.i’m deeply involved in my emotions and thoughts,but you’re unruly affection is so adamant…i love it when you disturb me,i love it when i disturb you,no need for my approval, no need for my consequence,we share the same obsession with considerable eloquence.»
— maynardmurlon (2005)
Jul 25 2005
The Corregidor Experience
Our overnight company outing was held in corregidor last may. Though t’was my 2nd time to be in the area, it was my 1st time to explore the entire island. The experience took me back in time of the WW2. I cannot help but imagine what happened during the war. I kept asking myself …where would i be if i was already twenty something during that era? Hmmmm…let me think…i might be a soldier’s wife crying over my husband’s brutal death…or i could have been a female soldier (were there any female soldiers at that time?!) fighting against the japanese side by side the Americans…or worse i could have been raped by a japanese or an american soldier!My Corregidor experience taught me to admire the bravery of the Filipino soldiers and value our freedom as a nation. It made me proud of having a great Filipino ancestry!
By the way, I was secretly wishing to see a ghost of a japanese or american soldier during our stay in the island but unfortunately (or fortunately?!) i have’nt seen one!
Jul 24 2005
nothing in particular
had lunch with fr. ray and lanee at lola lita’s. So sweet of fr. ray to drop by the dorm and treat us (lanee and myself) for lunch.as usual i got words of wisdom from fr. ray re my lovelife. whew~~~i have done nothing last week. my academic life was so dull… have not been doing lab work coz the solvent i ordered has not arrived yet. library work was useless as well. one thing of importance though, is the seminar conducted by NSRI regarding Chemical Safety and Disposal. ********I really love activities that will make me sweat. Last week i had fun playing badminton with joy ann’s friends. even though i don’t know them, it looks like we were already friends in the court. hahaha… i really had a great time… i would love to play badminton at least twice a week to release all the toxins in my body. 🙂 ******
i am way behind my schedule as to my laboratory output. i don’t want to blame the solvent because i myself lack the focus to do my thesis. i am not so confident with the procedure i am doing… i really want to have a copy of the article i need. sadly, it’s too expensive! I’d rather use the money in buying reagents and chemicals than in buying the article. i’ve asked my former students if their library has a subscription of the journal that i need. i just hope and pray that it is available so that they can send me a copy. i badly need it! Also, it is a must that i’ll be able to defend my proposal before september or even before the semester ends. i need DOST’s funding for my thesis. However, the funding will onlybe releasedt once they have the approved thesis proposal . hay, life….
i miss julia, my 2 yr old niece. she’s been living with my parents since she was too weeks old. though we only see each other during semestral, christmas and summer breaks, i have a very strong attachment to this kid. i bathe her, give her medications, pamper her like she is my own. i actually have plans of adopting her legally if my brother agrees. 😉 someday, you’ll be able to see her in one of my posts. i miss home… i miss the company of noisy kids… i miss cooking for my parents and my nephews and nieces… i just miss my daily routine when im home. it may be tiring at times, but it’s what makes me happy and so fulfilled. how i wish im just home…
Jul 23 2005
ang dried chicken bbq, ang mala-sinigang na sweet & sour pork, at si susan enriquez
we tried this new place last thursday night with my friends, and we were not satisfied with the service and the food. the food was served 30 minutes after we ordered it. shet, mamamatay na kami sa gutom! sumobra sa asim yung sweet and sour pork nila and it looks like it was sinigang sa dami ng sauce. talagang lumulutang sa sauce yung pork strips. and the chicken barbecue was so dry. dapat yata yung ibang sauce sa sweet and sour pork nilagay na lang nila sa barbecue. haaayyy, I wouldn’t be caught dead going to that restaurant again (unless they improve on their menu)… 🙁
anyways, i was on my way home when I chanced upon Susan Enriquez walking alone along Rizal Promenade. i was looking for a GMA van in the area but there wasn’t any. i’m not sure if she’s doing a feature on Davao for her weekly show called “Kay Susan Tayo!”, or maybe she’s covering Susan Roces’ visit in the city. she looks the same in person and in tv. para syang taga-Davao na naglalakad mag-isa sa downtown. hindi nga yata sya kilala ng mga tao e. at ang nakakatawa, the girl beside me blurted out: «oy, c Doris Bigornia o!» hehehe… ang sarap sabihin, “tange, si Susan Enriquez yan!” (sabay batok sa girl).
Jul 22 2005
the Fields of Gold
One of those few songs that will leave you awestruck as you try to contemplate on the story this song is trying to paint. One of those few moments when the melody takes you to a melancholic yet affectionately inspiring Solace. «Cheeziness» may or may not be an excuse but it definitely doesn’t spoil the meaning. I reckon Sting must’ve been in one of his most enthused and uncompelling disposition during the writing of this song. What is it to me, then? It reminds me of those few things that I fancy in case I would end up with somebody. (‘Kinda remind me as well with John Lennon’s «(Just Like) Starting Over»). It’s the melody, the beauty and the utter simplicity of the musical composition that makes the song so transcending as the words animate the music’s choreography.»…so I sat around and gaze at the film running in my mind,and trace the trail of footsteps we’ve left behind,
when we used to enjoy those moments-together we stole;
painted a techni-coloured fields in our souls.»
— maynardmurlon (2005)
Without further ado…
Fields of Gold by StingYou’ll remember me when the west wind movesUpon the fields of barleyYou’ll forget the sun in his jealous skyAs we walk in the fields of goldSo she took her loveFor to gaze awhileUpon the fields of barleyIn his arms she fell as her hair came downAmong the fields of goldWill you stay with me, will you be my loveAmong the fields of barleyWe’ll forget the sun in his jealous skyAs we lie in the fields of goldSee the west wind move like a lover soUpon the fields of barleyFeel her body rise when you kiss her mouthAmong the fields of goldI never made promises lightlyAnd there have been some that I’ve brokenBut I swear in the days still leftWe’ll walk in the fields of goldWe’ll walk in the fields of goldMany years have passed since those summer daysAmong the fields of barleySee the children run as the sun goes downAmong the fields of goldYou’ll remember me when the west wind movesUpon the fields of barleyYou can tell the sun in his jealous skyWhen we walked in the fields of goldWhen we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
Jul 19 2005
Just when im in the mood to finish my laboratory experiments, i can not make it possible. The laboratory ran out of solvent and i need it very badly in order to purify my finished product before it is submitted for IR and MS analysis. Infrared (IR) and Mass spectroscopy are analytical tools which will tell me of the functional groups (IR) and molecular fragments (MS) present in the compound im preparing. In short, it will tell me if the reaction has actually occured. TLC or thin layer chromatography is sufficient to determine if the reaction has actually taken place. With IR and MS, one is able to characterize the compound which is actually more challenging. ;)(magamitan na gud ako pagkachemist…)According to the RA of my thesis adviser, the solvent will not be shouldered by our adviser due to financial concerns (re her project). In short, i’ll have to buy it myself. Good thing, a technical grade of that solvent is available which cost P185/liter as compared to analytical grade which cost P1850/2.5liter. Analytical grade solvent is of higher purity as compared to technical grade. However, a technical grade can be purified by distillation which is actually more practical as buying analytical grade.
Grabeeeh!!! Chem kaau ang ako gipangdada… I can not believe it… i have nothing to say and i was asked by a friend to update. hehehe
Jul 19 2005
eva braun could’ve defined her stupidityhowever i think it’s me who’s recreating her story;as most people considers her as the epitomeof a most-often-denied, most-often-dismissed reality.
i dare not mention the word
since it’d just send shiver to the reader(and might just consider this as anotherwitless lyric of a pathetic infatuated dreamer).i forgot to call youbecause jealousy overwhelmed me…the thought of your dispositionembraced with all the possibilitiesthat i’m incapable of stoppinghad me paralyzed to just succumb into mine weary.i forgot to call youbecause i didn’t want to;and i realized that i have some prideand decent masochism that i can parade against you.i forgot to call yousimply because you were there in Davao,probably enjoying your escapade and…and you’re «out of coverage area» somehow.oh, how this evil mind runs like yours,
oh, maria you’re a wicked seductive whore,
and how you accuse me of whoring around in ‘erewhen you yourself is being coquettish anywhere.oh, women, lennon you’re damn right —
they’re «niggers of the world» alright!
Jul 18 2005
SIDE TRIP 23: Bokod, Benguet
Manang, saan ho pwede maligo? (Ma’am, where can I take a bath?)
Quite a simple question actually but somehow I got a complicated answer. I was doing field work in the Cordillera mountains and was traveling for a week from village to village. I should have known life in the mountains is never simple. Something as mundane as taking a bath may just turn out to be a lesson in ingenuity.From the house, I was told to take the main road. After about a hundred meters, I was supposed to see a pipe connected to a natural spring. That’s where I was supposed to take a bath. So off I went with a small towel, a bar of soap and a sachet of shampoo.But when I reached the designated hundred meters, there was no pipe in sight. No spring either. The road was empty. No people out. No houses in sight. Then again, it wasn’t really surprising to be told the nearest neighbor lived on the next hill. It’s just the way things are in the uplands.Then on the canal on the roadside, I noticed a small bamboo pole stuck on a small hole from where small drops of water flowed. Hmmm…this couldn’t very well be the spring, could it? I looked around again, hoping to see free-flowing water. Nothing.Uh, OK. This must be it. Beggars can’t be choosers, I thought, so I might as well make the best of what’s available. Fortunately, there was a small empty milk can nearby which I could use as tabo. So I took my clothes off, kept my briefs on, and did what needed to be done. It was difficult because there wasn’t enough water and the can was so small but I managed somehow. The more challenging part was how to rinse the shampoo off.The bamboo pole was set close to the ground, about one foot high, so I couldn’t use it like a shower. There was no alternative then but to drop on my knees and position my head close to the tip of the bamboo out of which the water flowed.So there I was — in my wet white underwear, my ass sticking out, and bubbles clinging to my hair – when I heard the unmistakable sound of a bus (a BUS???) approaching around the corner! Yaiks!!! When I turned around to have a look, it was to find a whole busload of Igorots gaping at me with round eyes and open mouths as the bus passed by!Later I was told the entire village was asking about the funny guy who was seen na nakatuwad while taking a bath on the roadside canal. Eww!And yes, I found out later there was in fact a big pipe with plenty of water in that area but hidden from the road. I just did not see the small trail leading to it.Waaaaah!!!BOKOD, BENGUET
Jul 17 2005
Galaw ng mga elemento
Ito ang tula na minsan kong nasumpungan sa aking panaginip…
Galaw ng mga elemento
Kapag natuklasan mo ang nakakubling dragon sa iyong dibdib,
Magiging malakas ka. At mag-aalab ang apoy sa iyong puso,
Tutupukin ang lahat na takot sa daluyong ng iyong dugo.
Kapag iyong natamo ang nakatagong kaluwalhatian sa isip,Magiging matatag ka. At mapapanatag ang iyong daigdig,Tatangayin ng hangin ang lahat na alinlangan at ligalig.Kapag nasumpungan mo ang taimtim na saglit ng kapayapaan,Malalaman mong ang pag-unlad ay nagsisimula sa pananalig,Anumang balakid, kayang igpawan katulad ng malayang tubig.Kapag nahanap mo ang kaliwanagang mailap sa iyong pang-unawa,Malalaman mong may dahilan ang pag-iral mo sa mundong ibabaw,At malulubos lamang ang iyong ambag sa sinapupunan ng lupa.Gumagalaw ang lahat sa kumpas ng hangin, tubig, lupa at apoy.
Jul 17 2005
SIDE TRIP 22: Bora
I was born and raised near the sea. In fact, I think I learned to swim before I walked. So it was without hesitation that I swam back to a friend who was drowning ten yards from where I was. Those guys in Baywatch make lifesaving seem so cool. And so easy.Naah… nothing can be farther from the truth.My friend was Baguio born and bred. He had been to a beach only once before in his life and all he did that time was do doggie strokes on the shallowest spot. He never learned to swim. And so when he came with me to Boracay, he was content to stay in the shallows while I snorkeled on the corals. The water reached only up to my chest because I was standing on rocks to catch my breath in-between dives. But without the rocks, the seabed plunged deep.And so it was with horror that I saw him thrashing in the water, valiantly trying to stay afloat, panic written all over his face. He must have tried to follow me and found himself on the deep part with no rocks to step on.Aquaman to the rescue! Ta-daaa! I had a pretty good idea what to do, having seen lifeguards do it on TV many times. But when I reached him, he immediately grabbed me and held on fast, trapping my hands to my sides. He was sooo heavy and soon both of us began to sink! When he realized we were going under, he clamped his hands on my shoulders, pushing me further down.So then he had his head above the water surface but I was down below drowning! Unable to escape his iron grip, I opened my eyes underwater and saw a rock about five feet away. Forget about David Hasselhoff-style rescue. I WALKED!!! And when I reached the rock, I hauled my ass up on it, with my dear friend still stuck to me like glue!He wouldn’t let go of me no matter how hard I pled. And so we inched our way back to shore the same way, me walking under water and him riding on my shoulders! Aaaargh!I swore next time I see a drowning man, I’m gonna knock him out first before doing a Hasselhoff!BORACAY ISLAND: One of the Best Beaches in the World
Jul 17 2005
oh, how it saddens me,understanding misunderstandingsand being stranded somewhere in nowhere — oh, what nonsense is taking me,and having contorted musings,this i consolingly deliver to what i have sought after.here i am, currently trapped in my mundane world,here, i long for yet another recognition,here, i struggle to fight emptiness and loneliness,here, i am alone with no one to hold on.
oh, maria, how i miss you…
there, afar, is my best friend,leaning comfortably with his penchant.there, afar, is my family,still composed of my father and mother and brotherbreathing under one roof sheltered from their fears.
there, afar, is my girl (or used to be or supposed to be),
enjoying her displeasured life-to-be.
oh, maria, how i miss you…
here i am, waiting for my one to beget me mine daugher,’cause she always desired to be a mother,and i ought to wait for her to show to me,the greatest of mine fantasies.
oh, maria, how i miss you…
Jul 16 2005
Susubukan ko naman ngayong magbahagi ng mga naiisip ko sa kasalukuyang «kaguluhan» sa ating bansa. Maaring simplistiko itong aking mga pagsusuri para sa iba, pero talaga namang dapat pasimplehin natin ang komplikadong mga bagay para maintindihan natin ito.
Kapag negatibo ang pananaw natin sa kasalukuyang «kaguluhan» sa ating bansa, tiyak malulula tayo. Lalo pa kung iisipin natin na masyadong komplikado ang mga bagay na ito. Na mahirap itong unawain. Na wala tayong magagawa. Na wala nang pag-asa sa bahaging ito ng mundo.
Iwasan man nating isipin ang mga nangyayari sa ating bansa, hindi natin ito maiiwasan. Maaalala mo iyan kapag nagbayad ka sa dyip dahil maiisip mo na 7.50 na nga pala ang minimum fare. Ang 1.5 na coke ay 33 na pala sa mga retail store. Ang siomai na last year lang ay sampung piso ang isang serving (na apat na piraso), ay 11 piso na ngayon ang isang serving (na tatlong piraso na lang). At ang lahat pang mga bilihin ay tumaas na rin ang presyo. Baka nga marami na sa atin ang binabangungot sa gabi dahil ang mga pinagkakauutangan ay naniningil na kahit sa panaginip.
At ang linsyak na pamatay sa lahat, «hindi nagtataas ng sahod!».
Kaya nga kapag nangyayari ang mga «kaguluhang» katulad ngayon, iskor lagi ng bukol sa ating isip. At butas-butas ang ating mga bulsa.
Pero hindi dapat maging negatibo o pessimistic sa ganitong panahon. Ibig lamang sabihin ng mga «kaguluhang» ito, tumitindi ang mga kontradiksyong naghahanap ng sukdulan upang makapagluwal ng bagong balanse ng kapangyarihan. Maaaring iba-iba ang ating pagtingin kung anu-ano ang mga kontradiksyong ito. Madalas, mag-iiba tayo ng pananaw depende sa kung anong «political persuasion» ang meron tayo. Mayroon pa siguro tayong maiisip na mga undercurrents sa mga kontradiksyong pinaniniwalaan nating nangyayari sa kasalukuyang yugto ng ating kasaysayan.
Nakikita kong sa panahon natin ngayon ay tumitindi ang kontradiksyon sa pagitan ng dalawang pinakamalalakas na puwersa sa ating lipunan. Una, ang estado (na hawak ng naghaharing-uri ayon sa Marxistang pagsusuri) na kumakatawan sa status quo at lumang sistema. Pangalawa, ang kilusang nais pabagsakin ang estado na kumakatawan sa bagong sistema na nais nitong ipalit sa status quo (sa kaso ng Pilipinas, ang PKP). Itong dalawang pwersa lamang ang kinokonsidera kong mayor na kontradiksyon sapagkat kahit mismo ang estado-poder ay aminado na ang pinakamalaking banta sa kanya ay ang kilusang nais magpabagsak sa kanya — ang PKP.
Kahit hawak ng estado (sa ngayon) ang pinakamalakas na puwersa (dahil sa AFP at PNP), humihina ito dahil sa pagkakawatak-watak ng mga naghaharing-uri na nakaluklok sa estado-poder. Kaya nagkakaroon sila ng mga paksyon ( paksyon sa administrasyon at oposisyon).
Sa kabilang banda, ang kilusang nagsusulong upang ibagsak ang estado, nagkokonsolida ng kanyang kapangyarihan habang nagkakagulo ang mga may hawak ng estado-poder. Kaya nakikinabang ito ng husto sa pagkakawatak-watak ng mga naghaharing-uri sa estado-poder. Nabibigyan ito ng panahong makapagpalawak at makapagpalakas habang naghahanda sa panahong harap-harapan nitong aagawain ang estado-poder mula sa mga naghaharing-uring nakaluklok ngayon sa kapangyarihan.
Sa unang hati nitong taon, kapansin-pansin ang pagdalas ng mga armadong komprontasyon sa pagitan ng AFP-PNP laban sa NPA na siyang armadong kamay ng PKP. Ipinagmamalaki din ng PKP na halos humigit-kumulang na sa 130 na ang kanilang larangang gerilya sa buong bansa. Kaya malamang madadagdagan pa ito, lalo na ngayong nababalaho sa sariling «kaguluhan» ang estado-poder at hindi ito nakakapagpalakas.
Para makausad ang ating bansa sa kasalukuyan nitong pagkabalaho (sa lahat na aspekto, pampulitika, pang-ekonomiya, pangkultura atbp), kailangang magkaroon ng wakas ang kontradiksyon ng dalawang nagbabanggaang puwersa. Kailangang magkaroon ng resolusyon. Kailangang tuluyang magapi ang alinman sa dalawa upang makausad ang ating bansa. Kaya nararapat lamang na maganap ang sukdulan ng kanilang paghaharap.
Ngunit sa huli, nasa mamamayan ang bola. Nasa kanila kung saang panig sila kakampi. Sa estado-poder ba (hindi na usapin kung oposisyon o administrasyon dahil sa esensya ay pareho lamang silang nais masolo ang estado-poder), o kaya naman sa kilusang nais pabagsakin ito? Nasa paglahok ng mamamayan ang bola upang mapabilis ang sukdulan ng paghaharap ng dalawang panig. Kapag nanatiling pasibo ang mamamayan, magtatagal ang ganitong kalagayan na lalo namang magdudulot ng hirap sa mamamayan.
Sa ganitong kalagayan, maoobliga dapat ang bawat isa sa atin na pumili kung saan papanig at lalahok. Ito lamang ang paraan upang makaigpaw ang bansa natin sa pagkabalaho sa lahat na aspekto. Kapag hindi natin ito ginawa, para na ring kinondena natin ang ating mga sambayanan sa «hundreds of years of solitudes». At ito ang matindi, ayon nga kay Gabriel Garcia Marquez, «races condemned to oned hundred years of solitudes does not have second opportunity on earth».
Jul 16 2005
Translation (Dahon nga Laya)
Approximately ay ito ang translation. Approximately dahil naniniwala akong «poetry is what’s lost in translation». Kahit ang pamagat mismo ay hindi ko isinalin sapagkat kapag isinalin ito na «Tuyong Dahon» ay nawawala ang harayang daladala ng «Dahon Nga Laya». Lalo pa sapagkat ang konsepto ng «Dahon nga Laya» ay may nakaimbak nang haraya sa «psyche» ng mga gumagamit ng wikang bisaya (cebuano ang tawag dito ng mga nasa akademya). May mga salitang hindi ko pinalitan dahil wala pa akong nakikitang angkop na katumbas.
Dahon nga laya
Sa kanyang paghimlay sa sinapupunan ng lupa,
Binuhay sa alaala yaong matamis na kahapon.
Pagkat ang kanyang buhay,
ay ang buhay na sugilanon
Ng marahang pag-usbong,
Ng paglago at pagyabong,
Ng luntiang pamamahayag,
Sa makatwirang batas,
— ina nating lahat.
Oo, lumutang sa kanyang balintataw,
Ang tamis ng ulan,
Ang ganda ng araw,
At ang rilag ng buwan,
Kasama ang mga bituin
sa maliwanag na gabi.
Oo, nagbalik sa kanyang alaala,
Ang pait ng pagtitiis,
Ang sakit ng mga kabiguan,
Ang pagsalunga ng mga unos,
Ang pagluha ng maiitim na ulap
At pagluluksa sa gitna ng karimlan.
Oo, binuhay niya yaong mga panid ng buntung-hininga
Kasama ang pagsikat at paglubog,
Ang pagpabilin at paglisan,
Ang kamingaw at pagkahingop,
Habang nahinuklog sa pagmumuni-muni,
Sa bawat saglit na pakikitalad,
Ng nagpupumiglas na mga damdamin
— ng makabuluhang buhay.
Ngunit hanggang baliktanaw na lamang siya,
Hanggang pagdaing na lamang at buntunghininga,
Sapagkat ganap na ang kanyang sugilanon,
Tanda na lahat tayo ay may kamatayan.
Ganunpaman, hindi nawawalan ng pag-asa
Pagkat ang kanyang pagkalaya ay siyang simula
Ng bagong dahong,
Magpapatuloy sa pangarap na bukas.
Jul 16 2005
i was riding a jeepney on my way to office when i noticed this guy infront of me cutting his nails. it was very unusual for me. ganun na ba talaga ka-busy ang mga tao ngayon at kahit ang simpleng paghihinuko ay hindi na magawa sa bahay?! it’s acceptable if he’s inside a private car, but doing it in a jampacked public utility vehicle…that’s another story…
Jul 14 2005
Best Music To Listen While On Hold
I got a special treat while I was tracking down something I lost in the public library. I was put on hold, and I heard… «On My Own» on piano. Woohoo! Special treat, indeed. Your favorite song is the best music to listen to while on hold. ***
One thing I’d like to see on the internet is an Original Pilipino Music download service ala iTunes. I would gladly pay for OPM, and also foreign songs rendered by Filipino artists. I heard there was a student project outlining a service along these lines. I hope it will come to realization. I would rather subscribe to OPM service than iTunes. 🙂
Jul 12 2005
i was tagged
i was tagged by lanee…Three names you go by:1. herms 2. maherms 3. matongThree screen names you have had: 1. pretty daughter 2. jane (as in tarzan and jane) 3. palot!Three physical things you like about yourself:1. eyes 2. ass 3.noseThree physical things you don’t like about yourself: 1. bulging tummy 2. leg scars 3. teethThree parts of your heritage: 1. bisaya ra ba ako nahibal anThree things that scare you: 1. not having children 2. death of papa 3. not being walked down the aisle by papa paks!Three of your everyday essentials: 1. LOVE 2. food 3. peace of mindThree of your favorite musical artists:1. Sarah McLachlan 2. Gary Valenciano 3. Gloria EstefanThree of your favorite songs: 1. Angel 2. Words 3. She’s always a Woman to meThree things you want in a relationship: 1. Love 2. Respect 3. TrustThree lies and truths in no particular orderL LIE: told my parents im going to cebu to buy important things instead of telling them im meeting grrr. TRUTH: im still in love with jun! (sorry tag one ra ako na think)Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you: 1. eyes 2. moreno/ dark skinned 3. nicely cut hair (like tom cruise’s hair in top gun!)Three of your favorite hobbies: 1. gardening 2.cooking 3.readingThree things you want to do really badly now: 1. Lab work! 2. have a copy of the article I badly need 3. play with juliaThree careers you’re considering/you’ve considered: 1. Teaching 2. research 3. business or marketingThree places you want to go on vacation: 1. Guimaras 2. Dakak 3. BaguioThree kid’s names you like: 1.Alex 2. Francesca 3. EDTA (as in ethylene diamine tetra acetic acid J)Three things you want to do before you die: 1. bungee jump 2. travel around the world 3. play the piano or guitarThree ways that you are stereotypically a boy: 1. i easily punch or kick 2. strong 3. dominantThree ways that you are stereotypically a girl: 1. cry easily 2. passionate 3. sweetThree celeb crushes: 1. Brad Pitt 2. Harrison Ford 3. Keanu Reeveswhew!!!!! napuga jud akong utok!Now it’s your turn! FOUR people that I would like to see take this quiz:PieEn-inJanjan
Jul 11 2005
i’ll get by with a smile
and baby you don’t have to worry,cause there ain’t no need to hurryno one ever said that there’s an easy wayand when they’re closing all their doorsand they don’t want you anymorethis sounds funny but I’ll say it anywaygirl I’ll stay through the bad times… Who? me…What? on hold career status…When? as of the moment…Where? dito lang, dito mismo, dito sa loob…Why? don’t know…Plans? wala pa…
Current Mood? a bit disappointed…
Jul 09 2005
Ang akong bag-ong miga diri sa Sacramento medyo biya sa technology kay naaksidente man sya mga 10-15 years ago busa dili pa sya kabalo mo gamit ug computer ug wala siyay mga gamit nga bag-o. Sample, wala syay DVD player, vhs iya gamit ug karon pa siya maghimo ug email address. Ako ni gi explain para makasabot ang nagbasa kung nganong in ana siya. Na busy man gud sya ug therapy ug miagi pa siya ug comma so medyo lisod gyud.
Anyways okay na siya karon ug gusto sya mangita ug trabaho so ako siya gitabangan pag himo sa iya resume. Ako gi encode sa computer iya data in a simple layout. Aguy kay nahuman na siempre naa sya correction. Naghimo ko ug medyo modern nga layout, block, aligned sa left. Naa iya experience, qualifications ug educational background. Karon nanawag ako bana so ako gi tubag ang telephono. Ang ako bag-ong miga gi kubian ang file. Gibutangan ug mga asteris (*) and mga sinugdanan sa iyang qualifications, gi pang irog ang indentions ang kapait ra ba kay ang gigamit space tab dili ang indention tab. Karon wala pa sya makontento kay nadugay ko estorya sa ako bana iya pang gi pang butangan tanan statements ug period ug daghang comma. Bisan ug sige ko senyas nga ayaw hilabti wala mo hunong.
Salamat ug nahuman na ko sa telepono ako gi pangutana dayon sya nganong naay asteris (*) ang iya mga qualifications. Ang iya rason? para kuno dali makit-an! Una, naa sa first paragraph iyang qualifications nganong dili man kuno makit an bi? Ako gi pangutana nganong iyang gi pang butangan ug spaces ang mga job title experience as indentions (naghiwi na hinoon ang alignment) niya nga wala na noon ma align? Para daw makit-an nga nag lahi. Siempre ang computer wa makasabot sa iyang plano nag puro green. Kabawo bitaw mo anang linya nga green below sa phrase or words kung wa ma mao ang grammar? puno ana ang iyang resume.
Ako gi explain nga block ang design so kinanghalan alligned sa left. Wala mo sugot. Know it all daw ko wa daw sya paki sa formats mao daw na iya gusto. Ingon pa siya ug naay mangutana ngano in ani iya resume ako kunoy naghimo! Ingon ko akoy nag-type pero ikaw nagbuot si imo ra na wa koy labot.
Karon nag reklamo nganong naay green ako gi ingnan kay wa kasabot ang computer sa imo plano…ni ingon hinoon «the computer is supposed to be there for me to use» bitaw wa lang mo mag kasinabot!
Sige sya edit pang butang period ug semi colon mao man na iya favorite colpunctation, semi colon. Ingon siya dayon correction ba? Tudloi ko…ingon ko ay malisod kay gi tudloan ka imo ko gitawag ug know it all… mao man kaha na imo gusto di pa uyanan taka kay imo ra ba na resume. Pero ayaw ko insultuha ayaw sab insultoha ang computer kay wala ra ba ka kabalo sa iya language. The computer can function well but it has its terms, its language.
Ayha pa siya nakasabot ug iya na pud gusto ipa allign nako iya resume isa isa! Iya ko gisugo pag pa butang ug 2 spaces indention kada isa. Ako gi agwanta instead of using tabs nga dali ra unya karon iya na pud gi pa usab balik sa left block allignment…ambot sa langaw!
Maayo na lang kay nag sorry pag ka human. Ingon sya, «you are pissed with me» ingon ko, «a little…» tapos maayo na amo boot sab. Kinanghalan ko mag pasensya kay wala siya makasabot unsay iyang gi request ang ako lang unta dili mang insulto kay na sapoton ra ba dayon ko.
Jul 09 2005
i just had my Fibroma Operation yesterday at San Pedro Hospital. the process went on for about 20 minutes, mabilis lang sya. mas matagal pa ang pagpapa-approve ko ng Philhealth papers. Gggrrrr…Ok lang at least nakamura.i have a new pair of stud earrings. i was supposed to buy a clip earring for my surgery but I can’t find one that’s why I ended up buying a stud (not for surgical purposes…gusto ko lng yung design nya, hehehe).
«The reason of my quest for that clip earring: I consulted a dermatologist aboutthe lump on my upper left ear lobe. She instructed me to buy a clip earringbefore she would do something to my ear. Since I can’t find that kind ofearring, I went to another doctor and suggested that I undergo a surgery. Iopted for the surgery because it’s cheaper and it does not require me to buy anearring. The derma would cost me P3,000 while the surgery would only cost meP600.»
i have a new pair of slippers. since my operation was rescheduled, we went to the mall to have our lunch. at sa kakapasok ko sa mga stalls, at sa kakasukat ko ng mga blouse, sandals, at kung anu-ano pa, nakabili tuloy ako ng tsinelas ng wala sa oras. kaya ang gastos ko sa operasyon ay umabot ng humigit kumulang sa P1,000 pa rin, hehehe…
i have two new cd’s, HALE and ORANGE AND LEMON’s Strike Whilst The Iron Is Hot. actually, I bought these two cd’s last month. pero matagal na akong hindi nakapag-blog kaya I still consider it as new.
Jul 06 2005
London and Bookmarks
I know where I’m going summer of 2012: London. Di ba, ate Boogie? Jenny?I had thought, as had most others, Paris was going to win the bid. But London pulled a hat trick. London, it is.******
Fritzie’s New bookmark alongside my book The bookmark turned better than what I imagined. I made small origami figures, glued them to paper from my aunt’s wedding invite, and added a pretty ribbon from my mom’s sewing kit.
Close-Up View of the verse I chose
Close-Up View of the Credit at the Back Lovingly made by Moi…
I’m a little bit, just a tiny bit, obsessed with origami. I can’t wait to get more origami paper, borrow more origami books and go crazy at Paperzone!